So, standing out in the middle of the street, I've just been slapped with the news that I'm a different person. The person delivering this news? My long lost brother. My parents? Not my parents. Where do you go from there?
As my brother explained these things, all I could say was "Okay." Such a stupid thing to say. I remember my nose twitching like a rabbit. I don't know if I was getting ready to cry or my nerves were in overdrive. I wasn't thinking anything for a few moments, but for whatever reason...I knew everything he said was the truth.
I remember telling Joe that I needed to go to church or I would get in trouble (all that was going on, THAT's what I was worried about...but you don't know my A-mom). He offered to give me a ride. On the way, we decided that we needed to see my mother's sister, my Aunt Pam. Aunt Pam was the aunt I felt the closest to, both geographically and emotionally. She was the only aunt I spent any real time around.
When we pulled up in front of her house (across from the church), and got out. As soon as my aunt opened the door, I said something along the lines of "Do you know who this is?"
Without hesitation, she said "Yeah, it's Joseph." For some reason, that's when I truly broke down. She KNEW who he was just by looking at him. I was so angry and in pain. Why did she know him? If he was MY brother, why was I the only one in the dark. Son-of a bitch! I was at a loss.
My cousins were comforting as they could be. My aunt asked me "Why are you crying?" I think I looked at her with disbelief. "This is a happy occassion!" I'm not sure if she was trying to be positive or was simply insensitive to my major identity crisis and the fact I felt robbed of time with him.
You see, I had one brother that I grew up with. He was my adopted brother. He was significantly older than me and was borderline worthless as brothers go. I grew up dreaming of having a twin or someone close to my age so I wouldn't be so freaking lonely. Here he was, pretty much an adult.
I ran to the bathroom and bawled. My cousin checked on me, but I didn't come out until Joe came to get me. My aunt and cousins gave Joe and me space to talk. In what couldn't have been more than 30 minutes, he explained how I was part white, how my mother had been murdered, and how I ended up in Teague. Then, he told me I had a second brother...youngest of the three.
Part of my was happy to hear this, most of me was just still in a psychological coma. Then, I had the thought of my A-mom (adopted mom). I was going to have to face the woman I was most afraid of in the world, who was always ill and angry.
My aunt decided that she would call my A-mom and tell her over the phone, ease her into it. We would find out how she wanted to handle all of this. To my surprise, she told us to come back home. I was sticking to Joe like a life saver...not physically, but I was very aware of where he was at all times. It was as if I was afraid he would disappear or something.
When we got back home, we walked into my A-parents bedroom. My mother was lying in bed. I looked at her with contempt when she recognized him and hugged him. I was furious when she pulled out hidden photos of him. My mother's comforting words to me? "Why are you crying? I thought you knew." (must run in the family). She beckoned me for a hug. Honestly, I imagine she was upset, confused, scared, and embarrassed that I had found out that way. Was she worried that she was getting ready to lose me to my b-fam (bio-family)? I don't know if she knew this, but as difficult as it was living in that house...I NEVER thought of leaving. What memories must she have had of him living with us until his dad came to get him, not to mention the ones of when he was taken away. She kept saying "I knew you'd come back to us one day."
Other than Joe, I had no one else helping me process this.
As hard as we tried to go on with our lives, things had changed. I had been de-constructed. I know she wanted me to remain "Lil' Billy", and truth was...part of me wanted it too. But I was no longer "Little Billy", nor was I "Christopher"...yet. I was starting life over. The "family curse" had followed me to this new family, though they protected me from it for years. It found me, and it wasn't through with me.
-Nanaki
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