The Nephs

We are given the greatest gift of all; a child's laughter...Because that is a sure sign they are doing something wrong like watching porn or throwing knives at grandma.

Though I have not shared the story of my trek to Minnesota yet, let me give you a rough outline. I moved to Minnesota in 2008 to assist my brother. Things went bad...VERY BAD. I got depressed. I ended up moving back to Enid out of fear for where my head was and really spent the next few years trying to recover.
If you've ever seen the show Buffy The Vampire Slayer, there is a season where she comes back from the dead. She mopes around the entire season giving clues to her strange attitude and her inability to connect back with life. The other characters in the show (as well as most of the audience) were annoyed with her sadness and awkwardness, but I completely understood.
I had learned that I was floating around, unconnected to anything or anyone. Every tie I had seemed estranged. However, my brother, Scott, had asked a favor of me; to check in on his boys for him while he was in Minnesota. He asked me to visit them and make sure they were okay from time to time.
I was in a horrible place...felt useless and naked to the world...except when it came to this favor. I went to visit them around Christmas.
The moment I was given this responsibility, I took it and ran with it. I felt I could contribute something useful to not only my brother, but also to two young boys. I remembered all the things that I didn't have, all the things I felt I needed and didn't get...That is what I would offer to them. I would not (and could not) ever be the parent, but I could be the uncle...one of many watching over them even if from a distance.
Of course, my first reaction was to spoil them rotten with toys and food. Then, my history and background with child welfare and all the studies I had done on psychology began to bubble and boil. I thought of all the things I could help guide them through.
Being a parent is difficult. You don't have the time, the energy, or the money to do the things you WANT to do to help them...because, frankly, from what I've seen...parents barely have time to do the things they NEED to do. It's a long list of tasks. That is where aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents come in. We are there to support the path that parents have set their children on.
So, when I met them at Christmas, I had all sorts of fears. Will we get along? Will they listen to me? Will they turn into primates and start flinging feces in the car? Do they have disorders that I can't handle?
When I picked them up, it was what you would expect. They didn't know me and I barely knew them. I saw them twice when they were babies, though I had a few pictures of them.
I decided the safest place to go was the mall and Toys-R-Us. Typical boys that they were, they wanted to look at and do everything. They were inclined to bounce off of the walls and beg for things (some of which they got). I was suprised to find out that they had manners (and even used them most of the time). They were funny and friendly and I saw sooo much of thier dad in them (physically and personality). They were family and were easy to connect with.
Every since then, I have tried to visit them once a month and have reached out to my other brother's children (a niece and nephew). I make myself available to them all. I'm sure that the difficulty I have of getting a child of my own is bandaged by my relationship with all of them, but that's okay. Regardless of the type of relationship I have with any of them, I just want them to know that I'm always there and they are always loved...all of them.
They dont' know it, but they probably saved my life. I deal with depression and it fluctuates in severity, but it has been watered down dramatically every since I took on the role of "Uncle Chris". It's one of the best lables I've ever been branded with.