Found out who I was

 So when I was growing up I always thought Bj was my mother. No one ever talked bout our mom to me that I could ever remember.  When I first hear of Judy (MOM) was in 1988 when they caught the guy who killed her. I remember I was ease dropping on one of her phone conversations and heard she was so upset about something. Scared I would be beaten over this I stayed away. I remember she went to court a for awhile and she brought a paper clippings home that I stole and went to my room and read it. I did not understand really what I was reading except a lady was murdered and she had 3 kids. The paper said he was on the run for 9 years before they finally found him on a routine traffic stop. I let it go kinda never talked about it that I could remember. I know that there was this trunk that was in my room that had a lock on it. Of course we was always forbidden to open anything that was not mine or what not.


 It wasn't till Chris Sneed was brought into the picture that I really found out about my mom and this dorky ass kid named Chris. Little did I know he was our brother for so many years the only brother I knew of was Joe. Wow did the stories start coming out then. It was like this big soap opera. I mean could you imagine growing up knowing one life and then figuring out it was a lie. Being a kid I never put 2 and 2 together about being part black. I was always called the "N" word but never really thought about it. What a shame, I grew up listening to Dolly Parton, George Strait and any other country and western singer you could think of. Hell was even listening to heavy metal like Metallica, ACDC, Black Sabbath. Wasn't till Joe really started hanging out with me did I start listening to R&B and rap. HMMM I think I was like 13 or 14. Living a lie for 13 or 14 years really can hurt the soul. The best way for me to handle all this was to make this new closet I had and stuff all this shit in it. Things can not bother you if its out of sight and out of mind. Really I wonder if all this shit was a dream and it actually happen. I mean come one lets fly through this list and see how much shit I personally have been through.

1. Beaten
2. Locked in my room by deadbolt
3. Forced feed
4. Mentally Brain washed
5. Stand in the corner from 8 am till 10 pm for the summer break
6. Left at stores and had to walk home. I'm not talking about older Scottie. 7-10
7. Locked out of the house for a day and night. Slept outside age 6
8. No friends
9. embarrassed in public
10. being forced to sleep in the dark even though I was terrified of the dark.

 I remember this one time after finding out this whole ordeal about mom and this guy. I heard he was going to kill me also. I was so scared that I had a dream of being out in these apartments. I remember playing in the parking lot with some kids. Cars I could see driving by in the distance. I remember this car slammed on its brakes and a black man jumped out and screamed my name. He pulled out this gun and started shooting at me. He hit me in the leg, I cried and crawled to this big rock and laid behind it. He just kept shooting I could hear him getting closer and closer with every shot. When he walked up he pointed the gun at me and cocked the trigger back and said goodnight. I woke up and cried just laied there and cried myself back to sleep. That dream has haunted me everyday of my life. Fuck it still scares me.